Saturday, September 6, 2014

Flicks: Strange things are happening

These are not the best of times!. For Nigerians who are still in the World Cup, very weird and strange things are beginning to happen out here. Perhaps, the kicking out of the Super Eagles could as well be said to be responsible for men and women to get other ideas.
: Fans Arlete (L) and Vana pose with a Brazilian flag prior to the 2014 FIFA World Cup opening match Brazil vs Croatia in Heilbronn, Germany, on June 12, 2014. AFP PHOTO / DPA / SEBASTIAN KAHNERT +++ GERMANY OUT
: Fans Arlete (L) and Vana pose with a Brazilian flag prior to the 2014 FIFA World Cup opening match Brazil vs Croatia in Heilbronn, Germany, on June 12, 2014. AFP PHOTO
Back home, most parents complain that moral standards have fallen with the open relationships of boys and girls, men and women. But, they are nothing to be compared with the brazen and weird things that happen in the open here.
Interestingly, these things happen right before the noses of enforcement agencies, Policia. Man and woman kissing for endless hours, woman and woman kissing and caressing, man and man kissing. It is strange to us, if not abominable. These are regular things especially in parks, trains, etc. It is irritating.
But it is their way of life here. The elderly are not left out. Anyway, a Nigerian who has been left in the cold since the beating of Super Eagles by France decided to explore the land and went downtown in search of the now famous ‘’body nobi wood”. At the beginning of the World Cup, prices of everything skyrocketed.
But with the defeats of many teams who have gone home, sanity is prevailing, even in the markets. It was based on this trend that made our man to go quench his appetite. He selected the most alluring, beautiful girl with the now famous Brazilian bum-bum with her Brazilian hair flowing down to her hips.
Language is not an inhibition to love. Seconds later, surprisingly, our guy ran back panting. He was totally washed out in shock, with his hand on his head while his heart-beat pounded like a faulty engine without oil. ‘’ Yepa! M’okuo” he exclaimed, still panting. ‘’Okunrin ni mogbe”, meaning ‘’it’s a man I carried”.
Glances exchanged. I burst into laughter. He did not take kindly to it. But it is a common thing to see pretty girls who you think are girls not knowing they have gone through the knife to become prettier women.
It could be embarrassing to go in with a woman and she begins to remove her plastic bum-bum and breasts for those who carry it or you end up realizing that the woman is a man(shemale) with her instrument of labour and production dangling. They have a name; Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender, LGBT. A strange world, indeed! No place like home.
South American Correspondent
With all the offensive information emanating from home, one is even afraid to come home. Same home they say there is no place like. Home where my heart is. Imagine coming home to abandon my car because of the endless traffic on Mile 2 – Apapa road, at the risk of  being chased like a common thief in the night, harassed in the day while other hapless people watch, grope in the night because of no electricity, no water; develop waist problem because of deep holes on the road; shout with the conductor to give me my change etc. I hear it is raining in Nigeria.
Oh rain! It brings pain to us. All these and many more hardships. What if I tell Eze Anaba and Mideno Bayagbon, Deputy Editor and Editor respectively of Vanguard  to allow me become the Brazilian Correspondent in-charge of South American countries? It won’t be a bad idea. Vanguard is an international Newspaper of repute. After all, a reporter once asked to be made Vanguard’s correspondent in Japan.
Dead or alive?
Thanks to all who have written, called to find out if all is well with me. Indeed, I am good and kicking in the land of 3S – Soccer, Sex and Samba. The (Whore) Cup is on while the fireworks at the different stadia are frightening at the real World Cup. The men are being separated from the weaklings, who go home with rehearsed excuses.
Many showed concern after a flyover collapsed on vehicles in the World Cup host city of Belo Horizonte, killing two people. The concrete and steel bridge, which was under construction, fell on the road on a busy highway. A commuter bus was crushed, killing the driver, along with two unoccupied trucks.
A body was also recovered from a car trapped beneath the rubble. The south-eastern Brazilian city is due to host a football World Cup semi-final match next week. Many called to find out if I was dead or alive! What if I told them I was dead? My parents, living and dead prayed that while it’s happening in front, I would be at the rear. And when it is happening from the rear, I would be at the front. That prayer is working. I Never knew many love and care for me. Thanks.
Anyway, some of those who showed concern were those I am owing. You must have heard of a man who was owed and on hearing of the death of his debtor wept uncontrollably saying ‘’he shouldn’t have died now”. When asked why he was saying that, he retorted ‘’don’t you know he is owing me N1,000 and promised to pay back next week. Oh, why did he die now”?