In 2001, I found myself far away from the Lord, pregnant, unmarried and only 21 years old. Having grown up in church my whole life, I was terribly ashamed and did not want to even enter a church building. When my daughter was 2 years old, I started to feel guilty that she was not going to church. I picked a large church where I could hopefully just blend in and not get noticed. The Lord used this as an opportunity to begin to heal me and to break through my hardened heart, my pain and my shame.
Through worship, Godly teaching, and later a single mom's group, I quickly began a path to restoration of my relationship with Jesus Christ. There is still pain in my life. There are still difficulties that I face because I was a single mom. But I have hope and faith that the Lord is working all of these things for His glory. He wants what is best for me and for my daughter. In His timing, He provided a Godly husband for me and an amazing step dad for my daughter. I feel so blessed every day to have this gift of a family. God is GOOD!
Through worship, Godly teaching, and later a single mom's group, I quickly began a path to restoration of my relationship with Jesus Christ. There is still pain in my life. There are still difficulties that I face because I was a single mom. But I have hope and faith that the Lord is working all of these things for His glory. He wants what is best for me and for my daughter. In His timing, He provided a Godly husband for me and an amazing step dad for my daughter. I feel so blessed every day to have this gift of a family. God is GOOD!
Doc N. 1077991"
Parenting, Sexual Purity, Pregnancy
In 2001, I found myself far away from the Lord, pregnant, unmarried and only 21 years old. I had never been more scared in my life. I didn’t want to disappoint my parents and bring embarrassment to them. They had raised me to save myself for marriage and I knew what I was doing was wrong. Shortly after I took the positive pregnancy test, I had to leave for work. I thought the only thing that I could possibly do was to have an abortion. I stopped at a gas station and began pumping gas, distracted by everything that was weighing me down.
I was startled suddenly by a man who approached me out of nowhere. He told me that he was sorry to bother me, but that he wanted to tell me that I was “glowing.” Once I got over my initial shock, I turned around to get another look at this person, but he wasn’t there. I believe that he was an angel sent to me to prevent me from further considering ending my unborn baby’s life. From that moment forward, I knew that I would have this child and face the truth with my parents.
My parents were incredibly supportive and loving. As I look at my almost 8 year old daughter, I am devastated by even the thought of not having her in my life. She is a gift from God and though the decision to keep her has created some pains in my life, I would not have it any other way. I am blessed beyond measure because I am her mom.
I was startled suddenly by a man who approached me out of nowhere. He told me that he was sorry to bother me, but that he wanted to tell me that I was “glowing.” Once I got over my initial shock, I turned around to get another look at this person, but he wasn’t there. I believe that he was an angel sent to me to prevent me from further considering ending my unborn baby’s life. From that moment forward, I knew that I would have this child and face the truth with my parents.
My parents were incredibly supportive and loving. As I look at my almost 8 year old daughter, I am devastated by even the thought of not having her in my life. She is a gift from God and though the decision to keep her has created some pains in my life, I would not have it any other way. I am blessed beyond measure because I am her mom.
Doc. No. 1078010
Miracle/Blessing
After my divorce, I had some unique circumstances. You know, unique to me!
I had been a stay at home mom who taught piano on the side. I had home schooled my kids. My life was completely changed. Through this time, God taught me so many things about Himself to me. What I am going to share is a unique time of provision.
Christ had me learning new things about Himself. I had gone where He had asked me to go. Literally church to church so that I could see different things about Him. It was a unique season! It was Christmas and I had nothing. I was frustrated and felt abandoned by God. In my frustration, I cried out to God and told Him exactly what I was feeling. ""I have done what You have asked me to do. I have gone where you wanted and stood where I needed. I have nothing! Did you forget me?"" I asked! Believe it or not that night, within hours my phone rang. It was the church I was attending and they asked me if they could adopt me for Christmas! They asked how they could help me and what I needed done around my house. They gave me money for gifts, food, and support.
They took me in and showed me unconditional love and acceptance! They didn't even really know me that well. They had been told about a need and they became the instrument of God to show me His love, His provision, and His acceptance!
God is so awesome! In the moment we think we can stand no more, He is there with everything we need!
I had been a stay at home mom who taught piano on the side. I had home schooled my kids. My life was completely changed. Through this time, God taught me so many things about Himself to me. What I am going to share is a unique time of provision.
Christ had me learning new things about Himself. I had gone where He had asked me to go. Literally church to church so that I could see different things about Him. It was a unique season! It was Christmas and I had nothing. I was frustrated and felt abandoned by God. In my frustration, I cried out to God and told Him exactly what I was feeling. ""I have done what You have asked me to do. I have gone where you wanted and stood where I needed. I have nothing! Did you forget me?"" I asked! Believe it or not that night, within hours my phone rang. It was the church I was attending and they asked me if they could adopt me for Christmas! They asked how they could help me and what I needed done around my house. They gave me money for gifts, food, and support.
They took me in and showed me unconditional love and acceptance! They didn't even really know me that well. They had been told about a need and they became the instrument of God to show me His love, His provision, and His acceptance!
God is so awesome! In the moment we think we can stand no more, He is there with everything we need!
Doc. No. 1096718
Answered Prayer, Encouragement, Faith, Forgiveness, Miracle/Blessing, Physical healing/illness
One day I woke up and found a baseball sized mass in my breast. The first thing that ran through my mind was cancer. Immediately I took it to God. I asked Him, ""what do you want me to do with this?"" At the end of the week was a retreat. I asked God to give me guidance that weekend and tell me what I should do. Let me tell you, I had not spoken this to anyone. Not even my husband. I knew that my faith was wavering and I couldn't have doubt sown into me, only faith. So at the weekend, God placed in my room women who had been healed of cancer.
After listening to their testimonies, I knew God wanted me to walk in healing. I was scared. But, I did the best I could to trust my Lord. Again, I wouldn't speak it to anyone that didn't have faith and would speak doubt into me. I only spoke to like minded believers. I researched scriptures that were healing scriptures. I quoted them every morning for hours. As I quoted them, the word of God came alive to me. I repented of sin that was revealed to me. Anything that my Lord even hinted as sin, I repented of it. At the end of three months God placed on my heart to seek a healing and deliverance ministry. I took my kids to school and went. The person I was to see wasn't there so I waited. A half hour later he was found. I spent time sharing my story with him and at the end, we prayed. The next morning I woke up and it was gone! Since then, God has placed me on an amazing journey. He has sent people to me to teach me more about Him. New things to repair within my spirit, soul and body! He is my healer! He is my restorer! In Him I place my trust!
After listening to their testimonies, I knew God wanted me to walk in healing. I was scared. But, I did the best I could to trust my Lord. Again, I wouldn't speak it to anyone that didn't have faith and would speak doubt into me. I only spoke to like minded believers. I researched scriptures that were healing scriptures. I quoted them every morning for hours. As I quoted them, the word of God came alive to me. I repented of sin that was revealed to me. Anything that my Lord even hinted as sin, I repented of it. At the end of three months God placed on my heart to seek a healing and deliverance ministry. I took my kids to school and went. The person I was to see wasn't there so I waited. A half hour later he was found. I spent time sharing my story with him and at the end, we prayed. The next morning I woke up and it was gone! Since then, God has placed me on an amazing journey. He has sent people to me to teach me more about Him. New things to repair within my spirit, soul and body! He is my healer! He is my restorer! In Him I place my trust!
Doc. No. 1097696
Obedience, Parenting
Our daughter developed a long distance relationship unknown to us and announced to us that she was engaged. She was 17. You think you are a good parent and realize that there is a lot you miss. Anyway, once they reach a certain age you know, there isn't much you can say. You just have to choose to be there for them. I was struggling with letting her go. I felt impressed in my spirit to attend a church I had only attended once. I told my husband ""We have to go to this church."" He was so awesome about it and we all went on the spur of the moment that Sunday. Praise and worship was amazing! Soon the preacher started preaching on the prodigal son. Oh my flesh rose up, ""give it to her God!""
As that thought went through me, Christ spoke to me and said, ""This is for you."" The preacher spoke on letting them go. He said,""The father graciously packed all the son's stuff and let him go."" My heart broke. I wept for the rest of the service. It wasn't my will, it was God's will. I had to let her go. Over the next several weeks, I walked 5 miles a day pouring my heart out before God, mourning the loss of my daughter. After several weeks, my daughter asked me what had changed. She said that I wasn't pushing her away anymore and there was peace. I told her the story of how God had told me to let her go. I told her that she was free to make her decision and that I would be there for her. I explained how I felt but told her that I loved her and wanted her to be happy. My daughter left to be with her fiancee' but this I know, God has her. He is doing His work in her. She will come out of this shining just like my Lord wants her to be! I trust my Jesus to take care of her and complete the work he has begun in her! She is okay because my Jesus has her!
As that thought went through me, Christ spoke to me and said, ""This is for you."" The preacher spoke on letting them go. He said,""The father graciously packed all the son's stuff and let him go."" My heart broke. I wept for the rest of the service. It wasn't my will, it was God's will. I had to let her go. Over the next several weeks, I walked 5 miles a day pouring my heart out before God, mourning the loss of my daughter. After several weeks, my daughter asked me what had changed. She said that I wasn't pushing her away anymore and there was peace. I told her the story of how God had told me to let her go. I told her that she was free to make her decision and that I would be there for her. I explained how I felt but told her that I loved her and wanted her to be happy. My daughter left to be with her fiancee' but this I know, God has her. He is doing His work in her. She will come out of this shining just like my Lord wants her to be! I trust my Jesus to take care of her and complete the work he has begun in her! She is okay because my Jesus has her!
Doc. No. 1097552
Coming out of homosexual (darkness)
Right after my 41st birthday I was sitting on my bed one afternoon/early evening the thought came to me that I was going to die one day may 40 or 50 years down the road but death is guaranteed the day you are born. I had been in the homosexual life style, living as a gay man for almost 18 years. I had too many one night stands to count and I was on my fourth long term relationship,(my second and third lovers had both died.) Then I thought do you want to be in hell for all eternity or in heaven with your Creator. I knew I had to get back to GOD, but I did not even now how to say a simple pray like Pastor Greg does every Sunday, when he invites people to ask the Lord into their lives. I called my oldest brother and left a message on His voicemail. ""I need to talk to you as a Man of God."" He called me back and invited me over for dinner. He asked if I had a Bible I could bring over, I said yes, I had it from when I had walked away from the Lord 18 years early. I went over and we had dinner then he had me turn to Romans 1 and read the entire chapter. I read that my sin was in the pile with idolatry, immorality, greed, envy, murder, strife, and God haters, along with more. My brother let me know that I could be forgiven of my sin and have a Jesus come into my heart to be Lord and Savior. I said a prayer and Jesus took me by the hand and has walked with me through the dying of my flesh. He has held me in His arms and rocked me as I have cried in the pain of dying to the old man and am living and being sanctified into the new man He is making me. The Father has whispered in my ear that I am his beloved son, that I am righteous, that I am a mighty warrior in Christ Jesus, that I am victorious through Christ who strengthens me. I have the armor of God, the belt of truth buckled around my waist, the breast plate of righteousness, my feet have been fitted with readiness that comes from time in the Word, I have the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, I have the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. I pray at all times and occasions, making my request known to the Lord and I also pray for the Saints of God.
Doc. No. 1105251
Answered Prayer, Faith, Forgiveness, Recovery/Addiction, Spiritual Healing/Peace
All through my growing up years, I went through a season of physical, mental, emotional, and verbal abuse. Not limited to the students at my school, but from my mother.
It all started when I was about 6 years old. My mother unleashed a fury of physical abuse on my brother and me. My parents divorced when I was 9 months old. After doing the best she could with no help, I guess it was too much for her to bear. This was the only way she could deal with her pain. She started with slapping and it progressed from there.
I never knew when it would happen, never knew what would set her off. There were numerous bruises that I never knew how to explain to my friends.
My mother was a teacher in the school I went to, and was not the most popular teacher there. She was very strict in her teaching ways. This turned out to be a reason for the kids at school to take their frustration towards her out on me. Everyday at school I was pushed around, picked on, and verbally abused. It did not do much for my self-esteem.
With that happening at school, and at home, I turned to alcohol at an early age. I was 14 when I started drinking. This seemed to ease the pain in my life. After a couple of years, the alchol wasn't doing it, so I started smoking pot at 16 years old. This was a pattern I would continue for many years. All through high school, my military career, and life after that was clouded with the abuse of alcohol and drugs. I did nearly every drug out there, short of sticking a needle in my arm. I don't like needles, which seems strange coming from someone with tattoos.
There is so many things to say in my story, the abuse of everything I dealt with- the pain of how my mother treated me, the pain of how I was treated in school and my first marriage that never should have happened. It was all very overwhelming. I had no place to turn. I was very far away from God. There was no place in my life for God. I didn't think He was interested in saving someone like me. There was no God in my life. If there was, how come I had to put up with all the pain I was dealing with?
At the lowest point in my life at 17 years old and alone, out on my mother's house, wanting to have something to hold onto. I was wanting the family I never had. I sat in my apartment one night, and offered my soul to the devil if I could just have a normal life. God didn't let that happen. He had another plan for me.
The chains that were holding me down were very heavy. I couldn't be happy. I was angry all of the time, never seeing the good in anything. I developed a sarcastic nature that would come out in the way I treated people and how I spoke to them. Thia affected my relationships with everyone I came in contact with.
I met my wife in 1986. That day, I knew she was the woman I was going to spend my life with. God put her in my life to rescue me from a lifetime of pain and loneliness. We have been married almost 23 years. She is my best friend. It hasn't always been easy, but it has been worth the trip. We have two wonderful sons, who I am very proud of. I would do anything to protect the gifts God has given me.
I used to wonder why God put me on this planet and what my role was. I finally realized that I am not here for me...I am here to provide a life for my boys, and make sure that they are here to do the work that God has for them to do. God will provide for us so that my boys will do His work.
Through much prayer, and soul searching, I am finally free of the things that have kept me chained down. After many years of pain I am finally released by the power of God.
I have been able to forgive my mother for all of the pain she put me through. It wasn't easy, but I was able to do it through the grace of God. He gave me this gift before she passed away, so that I could tell her that I forgave her.
All of the pain in my life is now gone. I do sometimes slip into my old ways, but am able to pull myself out of it with God's help. The devil will not take over my life anymore. I refuse to be under his control.
I have not had a drink in nearly 15 years. Haven't done any drugs for about 20 years.
My anger has been under control.
My life is going well. It isn't easy, nor is it perfect, but I am free. Free of the chains that once bound me.
There is so much more to this story. More that I can tell in this format. MY CHAINS ARE BROKEN.
It all started when I was about 6 years old. My mother unleashed a fury of physical abuse on my brother and me. My parents divorced when I was 9 months old. After doing the best she could with no help, I guess it was too much for her to bear. This was the only way she could deal with her pain. She started with slapping and it progressed from there.
I never knew when it would happen, never knew what would set her off. There were numerous bruises that I never knew how to explain to my friends.
My mother was a teacher in the school I went to, and was not the most popular teacher there. She was very strict in her teaching ways. This turned out to be a reason for the kids at school to take their frustration towards her out on me. Everyday at school I was pushed around, picked on, and verbally abused. It did not do much for my self-esteem.
With that happening at school, and at home, I turned to alcohol at an early age. I was 14 when I started drinking. This seemed to ease the pain in my life. After a couple of years, the alchol wasn't doing it, so I started smoking pot at 16 years old. This was a pattern I would continue for many years. All through high school, my military career, and life after that was clouded with the abuse of alcohol and drugs. I did nearly every drug out there, short of sticking a needle in my arm. I don't like needles, which seems strange coming from someone with tattoos.
There is so many things to say in my story, the abuse of everything I dealt with- the pain of how my mother treated me, the pain of how I was treated in school and my first marriage that never should have happened. It was all very overwhelming. I had no place to turn. I was very far away from God. There was no place in my life for God. I didn't think He was interested in saving someone like me. There was no God in my life. If there was, how come I had to put up with all the pain I was dealing with?
At the lowest point in my life at 17 years old and alone, out on my mother's house, wanting to have something to hold onto. I was wanting the family I never had. I sat in my apartment one night, and offered my soul to the devil if I could just have a normal life. God didn't let that happen. He had another plan for me.
The chains that were holding me down were very heavy. I couldn't be happy. I was angry all of the time, never seeing the good in anything. I developed a sarcastic nature that would come out in the way I treated people and how I spoke to them. Thia affected my relationships with everyone I came in contact with.
I met my wife in 1986. That day, I knew she was the woman I was going to spend my life with. God put her in my life to rescue me from a lifetime of pain and loneliness. We have been married almost 23 years. She is my best friend. It hasn't always been easy, but it has been worth the trip. We have two wonderful sons, who I am very proud of. I would do anything to protect the gifts God has given me.
I used to wonder why God put me on this planet and what my role was. I finally realized that I am not here for me...I am here to provide a life for my boys, and make sure that they are here to do the work that God has for them to do. God will provide for us so that my boys will do His work.
Through much prayer, and soul searching, I am finally free of the things that have kept me chained down. After many years of pain I am finally released by the power of God.
I have been able to forgive my mother for all of the pain she put me through. It wasn't easy, but I was able to do it through the grace of God. He gave me this gift before she passed away, so that I could tell her that I forgave her.
All of the pain in my life is now gone. I do sometimes slip into my old ways, but am able to pull myself out of it with God's help. The devil will not take over my life anymore. I refuse to be under his control.
I have not had a drink in nearly 15 years. Haven't done any drugs for about 20 years.
My anger has been under control.
My life is going well. It isn't easy, nor is it perfect, but I am free. Free of the chains that once bound me.
There is so much more to this story. More that I can tell in this format. MY CHAINS ARE BROKEN.
Doc. No. 1122015
Divorce, Faith, Forgiveness, Spiritual Healing/Peace
Growing up, I never dreamed that I would be middle-aged and single. Back then, you were married for life. In our area, divorce was practically unheard of. But now here I am – twice married and twice divorced. The first husband decided he loved someone else. The second, I kept thinking, ""What is wrong with me? Why didn’t he love me anymore? Why didn’t he want me?""
Then I figured it out. There was one big thing wrong. God wasn’t in my life. I had not kept Him close to me for many years and it showed. My lifestyle was one of “flesh” and “world”. Yes, I remembered the 10 commandments and tried so hard to follow them. However, the people around me were not following them. I became ostracized. I no longer drank or smoked and didn’t do drugs. My husband wouldn’t stand up for me when I was “banned” from his best friend’s house. I made them uncomfortable. He still went there almost daily. Our marriage disintegrated, all trust was gone...
Not long after the second divorce, a friend invited me to the Crossing Church and the Journey Class. One of the discussions during the Salvation lesson brought up receiving Christ’s gift to us. Our discussion question asked us about what item we had the most trouble accepting – and of course, mine was forgiveness. How could God forgive me for my sin? Here I had been married twice and divorced twice. That was a sin – CAPITAL LETTER SIN. I was so fortunate to have compassionate and caring people at my table. They helped me through what I saw as sin to realization that God knew it all along. I’d go through these seasons and I’d return to Him. He put these people in my life at just the right time to help me through my pain and heartbreak. And I found that I had much, much more to learn.
It’s amazing what a Life Application Study Bible and a Life Journal can do to introduce you to yourself. Each day while reading the daily passages, I find out more and more about my Father, my Savior, and about myself. So many times, I found that I would think – how could this be written way back then – it is about me now!!! I never knew what it was like to know me. I was always someone’s daughter, sister, or wife. Now I am me – a Child of God. I am accepted for me – not because of who I am related to or married to.
Being in the Church has nurtured me. God loves me. He loves ME!! I am not perfect and I never will be – not here on this earth. That’s ok. God still loves me. God accepts me for who I am. He knows my quirks. He knows my hurts. He knows my joy. He knows my love for Him. And I know one day, God will put the right person in my life. I just need to follow Him and trust Him.
Then I figured it out. There was one big thing wrong. God wasn’t in my life. I had not kept Him close to me for many years and it showed. My lifestyle was one of “flesh” and “world”. Yes, I remembered the 10 commandments and tried so hard to follow them. However, the people around me were not following them. I became ostracized. I no longer drank or smoked and didn’t do drugs. My husband wouldn’t stand up for me when I was “banned” from his best friend’s house. I made them uncomfortable. He still went there almost daily. Our marriage disintegrated, all trust was gone...
Not long after the second divorce, a friend invited me to the Crossing Church and the Journey Class. One of the discussions during the Salvation lesson brought up receiving Christ’s gift to us. Our discussion question asked us about what item we had the most trouble accepting – and of course, mine was forgiveness. How could God forgive me for my sin? Here I had been married twice and divorced twice. That was a sin – CAPITAL LETTER SIN. I was so fortunate to have compassionate and caring people at my table. They helped me through what I saw as sin to realization that God knew it all along. I’d go through these seasons and I’d return to Him. He put these people in my life at just the right time to help me through my pain and heartbreak. And I found that I had much, much more to learn.
It’s amazing what a Life Application Study Bible and a Life Journal can do to introduce you to yourself. Each day while reading the daily passages, I find out more and more about my Father, my Savior, and about myself. So many times, I found that I would think – how could this be written way back then – it is about me now!!! I never knew what it was like to know me. I was always someone’s daughter, sister, or wife. Now I am me – a Child of God. I am accepted for me – not because of who I am related to or married to.
Being in the Church has nurtured me. God loves me. He loves ME!! I am not perfect and I never will be – not here on this earth. That’s ok. God still loves me. God accepts me for who I am. He knows my quirks. He knows my hurts. He knows my joy. He knows my love for Him. And I know one day, God will put the right person in my life. I just need to follow Him and trust Him.
Doc. No. 129126
Encouragement, Obedience, Recovery/Addiction, Spiritual Healing/Peace
From an early age, somewhere around the age of 7, I knew what it felt like to be let down by the people closest to me in my life. My dad left us and my mother was left to raise me and my older brother- who later became abusive towards us. When my mom was angry and frustrated, she resorted to emotionally abandoning behavior. Her bitterness and emptiness was a benchmark for me…I believed I was destined to live a life exactly like hers, filled with disappointment, grief, loneliness and isolation. No one ever came to my rescue. I would sit for hours staring at the sky- particularly the moon; wondering if I followed it far away, would my life ever be different.
I fell into a life filled with numbing substances. Alcohol and drugs, allowed me to be the person I wanted to be. The popularity, the friendships and the good times that came from its usage became an entire addiction within itself!
Feelings of inferiority, insecurity, guilt, condemnation and inadequacy were the ingredients in this walking recipe for disaster! During the beginning of my second year of college I became pregnant with my son. All the drugs, the alcohol, the parties had to come to an abrupt end! Little did I know even at the time, God was with me.
By my late 20’s I was divorced from my son’s father, dabbling in the world’s advice to help me seek direction and guidance. At age 29, I married my second husband, a good friend but the relationship was more of a convenience than a God-filled, ordained marriage. He was a man of faith and I began attending church. I professed my sins to Christ and became ‘saved’…at least I thought I was…I thought that I knew of God’s love, but there was still something desperately lacking. By November of 2000, alcohol, adultery and rage replaced my marriage. After two failed marriages and a longstanding appointment with emptiness and a need to escape, I moved across the state.
On April 7th, 2001, a devastating auto accident changed my life forever. Among broken bones, my soul was just as broken.. I cried out to God, Why did He place me here? Why did He force this fiercely strong and financially secure woman to a place of utter helplessness and disability? He revealed to me that I needed to stop relying on my ways of the past and trust in Him. ..But I still didn’t connect…instead I prayed and prayed for God to make me disappear and replace me with one of those “perfect” Christian women that I saw years prior….all the prayer in the world didn’t make that happen…
I buried myself for the next five years in the quest for perfection, the perfect job, the perfect home, the perfect man and the perfect lifestyle.
By the fall of 2006, my world crashed again, I lost my job. I was losing my home. A three and a half year relationship ended as well. ...I was devastated, but I remembered this feeling very well. I looked up into the 3am sky, staring at the moon again. I remembered what I used to wonder when I was younger. Here I was, far away from home and still, no one was there to rescue me, no one there to protect me and no one there to comfort me…or was there? I was facing the desert of my life and all the things I used to fill my void were not working!! I fell to my knees and cried out to God asking Him again that same familiar question, ""Why?""
I also asked God to guide me…..and most importantly, I asked Him to forgive me…
It took almost an entire year of useless pride and repeated backsliding to bring me into the doors of the Crossing! I knew that what I searched for was Truth.
From there I ran after the Lord! I attend service every week. I immediately joined a Life Group-just in time as they were beginning the Truth Project. I began serving. I joined The Journey class. I attended Celebrate Recovery….and most importantly; I began devoting my time to the Bible. I embraced the fact that God pulled me through the darkness of my past, amid the hostility, the abuse, the distance, the failures, the condemnation, the judgment, the betrayal, the self-indulgence, the shame..all the times of isolation and emptiness. God was always there! He was refining me through the flames of the worldly desires …leading me to here…to today..
I remember when I was jaded over the thought of ever finding a man that would not betray me, lie to me, abuse me, belittle me or make me feel like I was a mistake. I would joke and say that I would be heap of bones before I would find the perfect man! Well, guess what? I did find the perfect man-Jesus! And I am not a heap of bones at all! He was betrayed, lied to, abused, belittled and ridiculed, just like me. Finally, a man that understands my suffering!
I remember when I used to shudder at the site of a loving couple or hear of someone saying that they were newly engaged. I remember saying that it was a waste of time to marry, relinquishing my freedom to someone else….exposing myself to someone else…..why allow someone to get that close again? Not until I heard God’s truth about the sanctity of marriage, the holy order of marriage-allowing God to be the center of it, did I regain any hope! I learned that God’s deliverance from all the ties that bind me give me the freedom no matter what man is in my life- that through the blood of the Lamb did I regain my right to be free! That as long as I trusted Him to protect me, I will press into Him for guidance! I did not move into a state of envy when it came to hearing of love, I was already renewed in hope!
In Romans 12:2, part of it states, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind….”
I embraced my singlehood, rededicating the renewal of my heart as well as my mind with patience! I pampered my soul by fervent and sincere prayer. I pampered my body with simple comforts like bubble baths, eating right, and rest! I pampered my mind with Bible study, positive, open and loving talk with trusted and Godly friends. I also revamped my reading material. I no longer read secular books that give bad advice based on self-indulgent and sinful behavior. I no longer entertain movies that magnify violence or things of darkness- absent of morality or goodness. I listen to music that focuses on expressions of love and praise! Lastly, I pampered my emotions by engaging the Holy Spirit when I respond to the trials of the world. I seek peace and understanding through Him. In all these things, I still seek God.
My needs have been fulfilled and transformed into my attributes. Because I was broken, God healed me. Because I was lonely, God has me living in fellowship with other believers and stands by my side! Because I was shamed and judged, God has given me acceptance and unconditional love. Because I was so wrong, God has made me right-standing in His eyes- righteous and holy! Because I was lonely and afraid, God has given me safety and security in His arms! Because I felt invisible and a ‘mistake”, God made me significant to Him and to His Kingdom!
I have spent a great deal of my life wondering who and what I am. Much of my stress and frustration could have been avoided by understanding that my identity can only be found in a personal relationship with God and as it is defined by Christ alone. Knowing whose I am has brought me peace, strength, clarity, power of conviction, acceptance and mostly the comfort I have been searching for during the past 35 years! I know that I am a righteous saint in His eyes, a forgiven co-heir with Christ, a sanctified and freed captive- no longer bound by oppressive lies of the enemy or memories and shame of my past! I am whole and I am redeemed in Him!
I fell into a life filled with numbing substances. Alcohol and drugs, allowed me to be the person I wanted to be. The popularity, the friendships and the good times that came from its usage became an entire addiction within itself!
Feelings of inferiority, insecurity, guilt, condemnation and inadequacy were the ingredients in this walking recipe for disaster! During the beginning of my second year of college I became pregnant with my son. All the drugs, the alcohol, the parties had to come to an abrupt end! Little did I know even at the time, God was with me.
By my late 20’s I was divorced from my son’s father, dabbling in the world’s advice to help me seek direction and guidance. At age 29, I married my second husband, a good friend but the relationship was more of a convenience than a God-filled, ordained marriage. He was a man of faith and I began attending church. I professed my sins to Christ and became ‘saved’…at least I thought I was…I thought that I knew of God’s love, but there was still something desperately lacking. By November of 2000, alcohol, adultery and rage replaced my marriage. After two failed marriages and a longstanding appointment with emptiness and a need to escape, I moved across the state.
On April 7th, 2001, a devastating auto accident changed my life forever. Among broken bones, my soul was just as broken.. I cried out to God, Why did He place me here? Why did He force this fiercely strong and financially secure woman to a place of utter helplessness and disability? He revealed to me that I needed to stop relying on my ways of the past and trust in Him. ..But I still didn’t connect…instead I prayed and prayed for God to make me disappear and replace me with one of those “perfect” Christian women that I saw years prior….all the prayer in the world didn’t make that happen…
I buried myself for the next five years in the quest for perfection, the perfect job, the perfect home, the perfect man and the perfect lifestyle.
By the fall of 2006, my world crashed again, I lost my job. I was losing my home. A three and a half year relationship ended as well. ...I was devastated, but I remembered this feeling very well. I looked up into the 3am sky, staring at the moon again. I remembered what I used to wonder when I was younger. Here I was, far away from home and still, no one was there to rescue me, no one there to protect me and no one there to comfort me…or was there? I was facing the desert of my life and all the things I used to fill my void were not working!! I fell to my knees and cried out to God asking Him again that same familiar question, ""Why?""
I also asked God to guide me…..and most importantly, I asked Him to forgive me…
It took almost an entire year of useless pride and repeated backsliding to bring me into the doors of the Crossing! I knew that what I searched for was Truth.
From there I ran after the Lord! I attend service every week. I immediately joined a Life Group-just in time as they were beginning the Truth Project. I began serving. I joined The Journey class. I attended Celebrate Recovery….and most importantly; I began devoting my time to the Bible. I embraced the fact that God pulled me through the darkness of my past, amid the hostility, the abuse, the distance, the failures, the condemnation, the judgment, the betrayal, the self-indulgence, the shame..all the times of isolation and emptiness. God was always there! He was refining me through the flames of the worldly desires …leading me to here…to today..
I remember when I was jaded over the thought of ever finding a man that would not betray me, lie to me, abuse me, belittle me or make me feel like I was a mistake. I would joke and say that I would be heap of bones before I would find the perfect man! Well, guess what? I did find the perfect man-Jesus! And I am not a heap of bones at all! He was betrayed, lied to, abused, belittled and ridiculed, just like me. Finally, a man that understands my suffering!
I remember when I used to shudder at the site of a loving couple or hear of someone saying that they were newly engaged. I remember saying that it was a waste of time to marry, relinquishing my freedom to someone else….exposing myself to someone else…..why allow someone to get that close again? Not until I heard God’s truth about the sanctity of marriage, the holy order of marriage-allowing God to be the center of it, did I regain any hope! I learned that God’s deliverance from all the ties that bind me give me the freedom no matter what man is in my life- that through the blood of the Lamb did I regain my right to be free! That as long as I trusted Him to protect me, I will press into Him for guidance! I did not move into a state of envy when it came to hearing of love, I was already renewed in hope!
In Romans 12:2, part of it states, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind….”
I embraced my singlehood, rededicating the renewal of my heart as well as my mind with patience! I pampered my soul by fervent and sincere prayer. I pampered my body with simple comforts like bubble baths, eating right, and rest! I pampered my mind with Bible study, positive, open and loving talk with trusted and Godly friends. I also revamped my reading material. I no longer read secular books that give bad advice based on self-indulgent and sinful behavior. I no longer entertain movies that magnify violence or things of darkness- absent of morality or goodness. I listen to music that focuses on expressions of love and praise! Lastly, I pampered my emotions by engaging the Holy Spirit when I respond to the trials of the world. I seek peace and understanding through Him. In all these things, I still seek God.
My needs have been fulfilled and transformed into my attributes. Because I was broken, God healed me. Because I was lonely, God has me living in fellowship with other believers and stands by my side! Because I was shamed and judged, God has given me acceptance and unconditional love. Because I was so wrong, God has made me right-standing in His eyes- righteous and holy! Because I was lonely and afraid, God has given me safety and security in His arms! Because I felt invisible and a ‘mistake”, God made me significant to Him and to His Kingdom!
I have spent a great deal of my life wondering who and what I am. Much of my stress and frustration could have been avoided by understanding that my identity can only be found in a personal relationship with God and as it is defined by Christ alone. Knowing whose I am has brought me peace, strength, clarity, power of conviction, acceptance and mostly the comfort I have been searching for during the past 35 years! I know that I am a righteous saint in His eyes, a forgiven co-heir with Christ, a sanctified and freed captive- no longer bound by oppressive lies of the enemy or memories and shame of my past! I am whole and I am redeemed in Him!
Doc. No. 1130467
Witnessing - Bringing others to Christ
For months I noticed the sheriff's car flashing lights, most times on Saturday nights and often enough on Sunday's. I am a frequent shopper at a large store near the church, and I would always say, ""I bet there is a church somewhere back there or a funeral home."" What other reason would there be a need
for a sheriff to be directing traffic along with the cruiser's flashing lights?
The flashing lights seem to have a voice calling to me, daring me, to turn in and see just what was back there. Well, not only where the lights calling me, but so was God. It has been many years since I was a member and serving in a church and I was feeling the void. I was longing for the fellowship, the worship, and mostly, being in the presence and the word of the Lord. The conviction was becoming stronger and now I really needed to know...
On one early Sunday morning in July of 2009, I could not ignore the question nor the desire any longer, this would be the day..I got in my car and started driving to that place that I wanted to desperately know, ""what was back there?"".
As the sheriff waved me in, I drove in the direction of the other vehicles in front of me. I noticed the sign, for the first time, The Crossing Church, yes I was right! I asked this man waving a finger, ""what denomination is this church?"" his reply was, ""We are not any denomination, we love and welcome everyone"" well, that was the right answer for me! I was not dressed for that service, but told him I would be back for the next one. (I am sure he must of heard that before!) I was excited, drove back home, got dressed, and came back for the 11:30 service. My heart was pounding, would I finally find a place I know I have been missing? The minute I parked my car, I had a warm feeling, you know, the kind of feeling you get when you are about to run into open arms? Closer and closer I was approaching...I stepped into the lobby and the presence was not mistaken, it was the Holy Spirit! As I made my way towards the sanctuary, I knew without a doubt, I was home! I had found my home.
So, without a word, the sheriff's car calls the lost home with flashing lights!
Since that Summer day in July, Sundays can not come fast enough for me! ;-)
for a sheriff to be directing traffic along with the cruiser's flashing lights?
The flashing lights seem to have a voice calling to me, daring me, to turn in and see just what was back there. Well, not only where the lights calling me, but so was God. It has been many years since I was a member and serving in a church and I was feeling the void. I was longing for the fellowship, the worship, and mostly, being in the presence and the word of the Lord. The conviction was becoming stronger and now I really needed to know...
On one early Sunday morning in July of 2009, I could not ignore the question nor the desire any longer, this would be the day..I got in my car and started driving to that place that I wanted to desperately know, ""what was back there?"".
As the sheriff waved me in, I drove in the direction of the other vehicles in front of me. I noticed the sign, for the first time, The Crossing Church, yes I was right! I asked this man waving a finger, ""what denomination is this church?"" his reply was, ""We are not any denomination, we love and welcome everyone"" well, that was the right answer for me! I was not dressed for that service, but told him I would be back for the next one. (I am sure he must of heard that before!) I was excited, drove back home, got dressed, and came back for the 11:30 service. My heart was pounding, would I finally find a place I know I have been missing? The minute I parked my car, I had a warm feeling, you know, the kind of feeling you get when you are about to run into open arms? Closer and closer I was approaching...I stepped into the lobby and the presence was not mistaken, it was the Holy Spirit! As I made my way towards the sanctuary, I knew without a doubt, I was home! I had found my home.
So, without a word, the sheriff's car calls the lost home with flashing lights!
Since that Summer day in July, Sundays can not come fast enough for me! ;-)
Doc. No. 1144905
Serving
So I received a message from an old friend in Jacksonville on a Friday who was trying to get a team together to head to Nashville and help with flood relief. I decided right then that as a church we simply had to respond, and had to respond now! Being the Director of KP3 Academy I pulled the students and another close friend and had a team of 5 ready to serve. We left Tampa at 7:30pm that Sunday and met up with the Jax team and left at 12:30 am. We arrived at the church at 10:30 am and went straight to our first house. It was a father and son who had just finished rebuilding their home and were getting ready to place it on the market and bam! Flood hits. He was a very nice man and I had the amazing opportunity to pray for our team and over him. As I was praying over him I noticed tears swell up in his eyes. We helped out a total of 5 houses. God used our team in a mighty way! We definitely did not expect to have the impact we did. People were overwhelmed with thanks and that people would drive from Florida to help. What an amazing opportunity to truly be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ. I am honored to work at a church that empowers me to serve!
Doc. No. 1200536
Source: Wisdom
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